The impetus has been set from a quarter of the divine. The resting place has found my heart open where there was no door. Turning a knob where there was no handle gives me the entrance of a lifetime once thought gone with 30-inch pants. The fatted calf stripped to the bone within an inch of my life fell into the complacency of a burgeoning body that stretched to hide my indignation and shame. No one was saved only the thoughts that were pervasively black were extinguished. The firebrand, which turned to ice, came back as lukewarm indifference. Afraid of my natural sun gave me only clouds to see when dawn broke.
Nights and the days carry the harbinger of awakening the giant that only lifted the weight of others. Releasing my charges under their own recognizance feels like the lioness letting go of her cubs to forage from a distance but always secretly wishing for no untimely deaths. Still afraid I am that I let go before things might have changed in the forest before I saw my own open field. A deep breath is my only reprieve from the guilt my father gave me that ties me to the post with the chains of missing my own song before I have to start humming the words.
My legacy has not been disembodied like the boy who cried wolf exclaimed. Too many false positives I have fallen victim to only to embrace the fear my body automatically embraces when my coffee cup begins to tip. Let the mercury fall, it never seems to wander far from the scale of the universe of justice. Never have I been given an assignment that left me unconscious. Or as A.A. told me countless times: God doesn’t take us this far to drop us on our heads. That might seem a bit concocted but when the seesaw seems stuck in the down, a counter weight takes me back to water shifting back to the levels center. And balance has always been restored in short order even when I think the sweep hand has stopped and I think I am paralyzed. Motion creates emotion and my own footwork takes me from the pain of my not noticing. The darkness was only my shadow when my angels were showing me the lighted path.
Guernica
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