Blue true love never came from the wolf’s cry. We think that the animals cry within us is love calling, it’s simply our hormones goading us into brainwashing the mind that it is in love. Well hardly. All five senses gang up on us at one time and we think we have no alternative but to believe nature has found us our mate. Ah but there’s the rub. When the five senses can no longer conjure up the excitement they together helped produce, we are usually left with just one sense and alone it can’t quite carry it off. Compound that with our partner having the same plight and a different sense than the one we rely on, the disintegration process has already begun. She is visual and you are touchy feely. She likes to “see” things and you want to “feel” them. The communication is headed for a break down. The language barrier between you becomes a bridge too far. In the beginning it’s all-blissful, but inevitably ennui rears its ugly head. And just like a shark that fails to keep moving love sinks and just gets too heavy to start breathing again.Lust is the main culprit, which takes this imagined love as its wolf’s cloak. Lust is a beautiful emotion God gave us but it usually gets us into trouble once we have had the peak sensation. And lust can take us for quite a ride and can even make us forget the torture she puts us through in between love making sessions. We imagine she’s in love with us during the sex act only to find she’s grown even colder after the last time in bed.
Funny when you ask why we try to bed someone it is usually because they’re hot. And we hope we fall in love with their mind later. And if they aren’t blessed with a steamy presence we get to know their mind first and go to bed with them later.
So what do we do? Go to trueharmony.com and try to get our 27 character defects lined up with someone else’s? Do we leave it to chance meetings in bars, the supermarkets or serendipitous chance meetings?
The first conundrum is when we find someone attractive how quickly do we head to the horizontal dance between the sheets? If it’s the first night the stigma of he’s a player and she’s a slut gets stamped across our foreheads. If we go back into the 20th century we waited in some cases until we were married before we engaged in coitus. But it’s the 21st century and fortunately/fortunately it’s more like the third date when we “consummate” the relationship. Too soon? Who is to say? A month, two months? Does that insure respectability or even longevity? The trick is to have had as many lucid moments as possible before we share our body with someone else. We could get casual about sex, practice it safely and hope we hook that striped bass we can take home to the family for more intense viewing. But casual sex can harden our attitudes about love and we get calluses instead of finding a tender spot with someone.
Some men and most women resort to being a bit more particular in choosing a bed partner. If it includes alcohol and we end up in bed sooner than we had planned our regret period may leave us wishing we had waited. Better we get a little more analytical and decide tonight’s the night before we have imbibed any spirits. It might take some of the spontaneity out of the moment but better that than waking up with buyer’s remorse the next morning when we glance to the other side of the bed. Let’s face it, we make decisions based on emotions and then we justify them with logic later. Don’t we do the same with carnal knowledge?
There can never be enough time when it comes to thinking we love someone. But love is a disappearing act, it not only comes and goes but it becomes ghostly when the amount of love we give relies on how much we can take. That sweet feeling becomes bitter when we mix in the sour grapes of judgment and cynicism. Attachment is the ultimate spy that we clamor for and takes with it disillusionment as its partner and we are never the same. Expectation becomes insistence and no one can live up to those selfish claims not even us. Things that we think are required for love are the elements that decompose it.
Just what are those elements? Smothering disguised as attention. Possessiveness wearing the mask of faithfulness, and needing becoming a un healthy co dependence. And in the end sensuality and sexual attraction become emotional apathy. Which brings me to the biggest lie of love, SEX. It is the celebration of the biological function that gives chemistry a bad name. Acrimony and jealousy seem to be covered up by great sex. And when everyday life comes calling the prime ingredient of the relationship gets thrown out with the Wednesday night trash. When monogamy becomes routine, sex is the glue that keeps the two pieces together. But unless the union has interlocking pieces the parts will separate and die. Not a very lovely view of one of the greatest gift to us humans, sex but when we place so much emphasis on it when we begin a relationship we will wonder if we can ever trust our libido.
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"Why do I love you,let me count the ways" In Greek there are many words for love. The love of God,a friend, a child, parent, pet , a place, a lover, sex and for many even money. All require different words. The English language doesn't offer us the option of differentiating. It , in my humble opinion is important to recognize the difference. We often use the word love when we mean something else , perhaps attraction, or animal magnetism or maybe even just the need to be close to another human being.
ReplyDeleteDo I love you because you are sexually attractive to me or do I just love sex? Do I love you for the emotional and or financial security you offer me? Do I love you for the person you are? The question is can any of us recognize the difference? Or, are our choices left in the hands of "lady luck"?
As a teenager I was in love with being in love, hormonal, "puppy love". As a young adult having lost both parents and thrown into the role of parent before my time I chose a "father figure". I loved him but was not in love with him when we married. He was my "rock". As a wife and mother I loved him for being the wonderful father and faithful husband he always was. As a mature adult I loved him for his kindness and patience with all of us( and believe me he need it ). His value system was exemplary, family first always. When God chose to call him home without warning we were sheep lost in the wilderness. As a widow I was shell of a being not even human. I had the life force violently ripped from my body. That saga began on Father's Day five years ago. I have only recently began to come to terms with my lost venture into the land of love. Our lives were anything but parallel. He loved to be at home and I was a woman on the move, a strong supporter of the feminist movement. I traveled with a crowd he came to love and accept. Feminists ,gays, none traditional families, all became our friends. He was a truly amazing man. He was not without faults but they were few in comparison to his unfailing goodness. And that is what love is all about at least for me.