Well son I guess it was doomed from the start and of course I will not forget anything and I will not consider it a waste of time because I did a lot of good a lot of good. I just have my own demons but those are issues that I have never resolved from my childhood. Perhaps it was the death of my sister in 1969 I don't know I have a psychology degree but I am not a psychologist. (Yet) My problem was that your mom in my mind needed saving and since I was a people pleaser it seemed like a great fit. And make no mistake she is a wonderful woman, mother, wife (for the right man). I will always love her deeply and no one can tell me different even she.
The pressure of finance, my own ego was my undoing as a step parent and the attention I am getting now from my writing has sated my "wandering star" I unfortunately will not have a legacy like your mom and see your children or your sisters children but they will be always in my heart. I know what I am culpable for but I am still Jack or John inside. I for the first time in my life don't know what I want actually because no one has ever asked me including myself. Now I need to do that. Whatever is next however there will be no obfuscation I am who I am warts and all.
It's not cheesy that metaphor and remember that for you and your wife I did my best and for a time I did the best I could for your sisters. (They didn't have to unfriend me on FB lol) Mea culpa my son and you will always be what you were to me a challenge at times (waking you up for school) and a joy when you graduated college and when you married that beautiful woman next to you. I need this forum because for me it is a catharsis and I have no family here.
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