My lot in life has given me a job I just don’t want anymore. It’s attending to every emotion that those that depend on me to do by default. It is my own doing because I allowed these things to transpire without a word for fear I would disappoint them. In the end, I am the only one that is saddled with disappointment and you can add disillusionment to that as well.
Psychology plays a role here because I have this ongoing battle with nature vs. nurture in my own life. I never felt I got enough nurturing and nature has had me confused since I was a teenager. That is another story for another time but it carries the lynchpin that holds me together, although tethered to a frayed line can give way at any moment. Which is why thoughts of death appear before me with more frequency. I do not have any fear when they do but it signals the inevitable change that life is beckoning me to answer.
TBC later today
Still waiting for the continuation!
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you leave para 2 for another topic and get back on subject?