Above the clouds once again and the week that was will be the last time my Father has forever left the building and there’s nothing I can do about it. And when I said goodbye to him I merely chirped I’d see you later Dad. No need for anything more as my words would be gone in an instant almost as quickly as he drew his next breath. I hope that God takes him home to my Mother’s side in the not to distant ticks of the clock because his quality of life is like an empty box of crackers. I have no regrets as I have said all I had to say to him some years ago when his faculties were at his fingertips. Although I always loved him he was a difficult man for me to like because of his intimidating parental style he employed in my formative years.
My youngest sister gave me the insight I needed when she said his world was much like that of a child’s as everything is about him. His pronouncements of hunger and his next visit to the toilet were his return to the child he once was some 80 plus years ago. It was funny and sad as I listened to his exclamations. The smiles were tempered however with the realization that my sisters and I will soon have to relinquish the reins to the professionals of assisted living which if his health holds out are but a virtual certainty.
Father time catches up with all of us sooner or later and I am ever cognizant that my own stick is getting shorter but I do hope my trip to the top of the light zone is quick like the extinguishing of a light saber. And I can only pray that the noise left in my corporeal form will ring like the bells of Notre Dame and not the static between radio stations on the dial.
If only I had known of my own father's impending death I would have spent as much time as I could with him. But my Dad was snached away so quickly my child's mind couldn't have comprehended his demise. It took months for me to internalize the fact that he would not return. He was gone forever.
ReplyDeleteIf only is a tough place to put a young mind because you were not ready for such an occurrence. My father is gone I am just looking at his still animated form. And so it is the memories that haunt me each time I look at him.
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