Angel on the Highway

I think that there are more believers than ever before in those heavenly beings some of us choose to call angels. They are everywhere for me. Whether I am backing out of a parking space and an unknown force keeps me in place as a speeding car racing in the parking lot whizzes by saving me from a certain collision or in my lane when I was thinking of changing and that blind spot on my right keeps that invisible vehicle from my line of sight. It never seems to fail. Even when I am a miscreant and am texting and driving those deities right me with those awakening grooves in the concrete that alert me to my swerve.  

Yesterday afternoon in the midst of that treacherous snow storm and I say treacherous because it was only a few hours old and the plows hadn’t been out just yet to scrape down to the pavement and so the inch or so skating rink made drivers overly cautious or as is their wont others with 4 wheel drive brazen with insanity thinking they are invincible to the elements. 

I found myself coming home from a business appointment and deciding what church I would attend to make the 5 pm mass. I settled on St. Patrick’s in Huntington as my logical sanctuary. As I was following a Mercedes up 108 towards 25A who I was becoming impatient with as they seemed to be traveling way too slowly for my impatient taste they finally veered off to the left (as I should have) and I quickly decided that I would head up Lawrence Hill Road as my short cut. Well since my ride is a Mini Cooper this little engine thought it could but simply couldn’t. I went about 30 yards up that steep grade and came to a halt. 

If you’re familiar with that road there’s traffic from three directions. Oncoming, from behind and perpendicular from 108. Since my only alternative seemed to be backing down the hill I needed a lot of luck or just good timing not to collide with traffic behind. As I got out of my car I saw another driver seeing my plight and he was in the midst of changing his mind as to avert the hill I was challenging. I approached him and said that maybe we could help each other. I would watch traffic for him and he could for me. He seemed to agree but after I did he zoomed off. 

I had no time to whimper or stamp my feet as just then a young woman stopped in the triangle below me out of harms way opened her window and asked: Can I help? I said YES! Could you watch as I back down the hill? She being the bright woman said: Why don’t you just do a 3-point turn? I’ll protect you. I don’t know if I can I retorted. She said simply: Just try it. I got in and as the car started to roll backward it went into a natural 3 point turn and as if by magic I was facing downhill and on my way but not before I rolled down my window and blew a kiss to my mystery angel. 

I thought to myself that no matter what has changed between men and women one thing has not. Women are still nurturers and God thank you for that. I love angels. That woman wherever you are I prayed for you today. 

When I'm 64

Will you still need me will you still feed me when I’m 64.  When I think that this tune first aired 47 years ago age 64 seemed light years away. It has however been but a blink.

I tell young people that I meet keep your head where your feet are else you will miss the present moment and since they can never be recaptured except as a memory live each breath as if it was your last. 

Tacking to Starboard

There are times we need a change of tack. Instead of pushing against the wind why not use its force to come about and bring a new energy to a tired way of doing things. There are times I get trapped in people pleasing just to avoid a confrontation when all I am doing is not having the courage to establish boundaries. 

The Green Chair

I was in EQ this morning and saw my friend Mary with her back against the mirror suspended in a seated position without a chair and my thoughts flashed back to 1969 and remembered the hazing I went through at SUNY Maritime. The Green Chair was a small form of torture our IDO’s (Indoctrination Officer’s) doled out when we had the misfortune of breaking some arcane infraction during our first two weeks at this military college nestled underneath the Throgs Neck Bridge. Now here was Mary engaging in it willingly as a way to strengthen her core. It’s amazing what 45 years can do by taking an old punishment hazing if you will and make it a modern method on the ever-changing pathways to 21st Century fitness. By the way Mary had 4 different variations on that same drill we loathed. 

Polyamory

Merriam Webster says: the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time.

Yes I know for most of us this idea is any number of adjectives including but not limited to: Impossible, preposterous, immoral and just not right. 

What is true for you might not be true for everybody.  But let’s put arguments aside for a moment and focus on what polyamory can mean to monogamists. Polyamory is not cheating, having and affair or about lying. It is about full disclosure. In fact polyamorists reject most strongly against cheaters. For them there is just no room for these people in their community. 

 No one that is involved in a polyamorous relationship ever has to worry where their romantic partner is or whom they are with. Think of that for a second?  No longer can one lover claim that their partner betrayed them or cheated on them or broke their trust.  And the partner that is engaging sexually with another man or woman no longer has to lie about who they’re making love to. 

Let’s ask ourselves as monogamists this question? Have we only had one sexual partner in our lives? For a small majority the answer is yes but for the vast majority of us we most assuredly have had multiple partners and maybe more than one spouse. What does that make us? Serial monogamists? Here’s another question? Can we probably say that even some of the best marriages over time on balance had an indiscretion or two or three? Does that mean you don’t love your significant other? I can’t answer that for you. And is there any one of us that have had affairs and our partners never found out? Are we still feeling guilty? Polyamorists don’t have guilty consciences.  

So what’s the point? Could it be that some of us are not built for monogamy? We try with all our will to conform to the laws of society but we just can’t. Maybe the answer is celibacy or polyamory. Just a thought.  

Deeply Personal

As I think of my life from a cognitive perspective I know now that I was blessed with an above average intelligence that has shaped how I feel about myself today. I am bright but I realize that there is a limit to intelligence and what it can mean for my social relationships.  I can be as smart as a whip but if I do not use common sense I am doomed to repeat the errors of my youth.  

Emotionally I am able to express myself in a meaningful way through my words of speech and the gift of writing.  I also feel I am on a spiritual path as I try to treat others as I would want them to treat me. I could also say that age has had its benefits as well.  

When I took the Big Five Personality Test I found some veracity in the results.  It concluded that I am open minded, somewhat disorganized, extremely extraverted, somewhat agreeable and relatively relaxed. However I can also say that all of these results can be thrown out the window if you catch me on a bad day. 

Petition

It’s not easy to find the inspiration to write neither everyday nor even every week. I need to allot time each day to put to words my feelings, thoughts and when the spirit moves me the rhythm of life within me. When I wrote KSC this Saturday I liked that I was able to affect a departure from my usual fare in that forum. I even received two comments on that post which I never seem to get on that blog.  I will keep that blog open but for the most part I think that weekly entries or even biweekly stories have about run their course. Else I would still be writing them.  Once in awhile I might splash a story like if K2 comes back into the fold at EQ. I miss her musical acumen and her ability to control the room without being assuming or condescending. The roster is severely lacking without her.  

My life after AA will always be my centerpiece because I have lived that life before and after drink and it just seems more important to me. I also have found that is my most read blog and it is therein that I like to think I am contributing albeit in a small way of my own experience strength and hope. Thanks for reading and I will be back by and by. Oh that K2 story of her return? Let’s petition the powers that be and make that happen. That is if she wants to come back.