Audrey Hepburn

There are many stars that have passed from our midst that continue to have a cult following and the one that most often comes to mind is Marilyn Monroe but if you do a little bit more study of those really interested in cinema you will find that the very alluring Audrey Hepburn has an epic fan base as well.  Let’s take a deeper look at this very intriguing star that disappeared from our lives all too soon. 

I take a quote from Time magazine in an article they wrote about Audrey’s life in 2007 in which they write she represented “emotional aristocracy”. And if you know anything about her life in and out of film you will no doubt agree because the characters she portrayed in film mirrored the Audrey people that knew her outside the celluloid life.  In the definition of self-effacement Miss Hepburn’s picture is alongside the text.  To some she was the most beautiful woman alive but you would never know it from her because her humility never became a cross she bore it just naturally became part of an aura and hence the brilliance of her stardom. 

Born in Brussels and educated mostly in England to an aristocratic Dutch mother and Englishman businessman father during WWII her mother and Audrey were in the Netherlands when the Nazis invaded and executed her uncle and cousin and one of her brothers was interred in a labor camp. After the wars end Audrey began as a chorus girl and dancer and spotted by a French author Collette who recommended her for the part in her novel Gigi. So impressed by her performance when the play opened in New York in 1951 William Wyler wanted to screen test her for Roman Holiday. After filming her would remark, “That girl is going to be the biggest star in Hollywood.” Wyler must have seemed a soothsayer as Audrey would win the Oscar that year in which she played a princess who breaks away from her Royal entrapment while in Rome and falls in love with a journalist Gregory Peck.  It was a great year for her in 1953 and after the movies release she would also win the Tony for Broadway’s Ondine.   

Audrey remodeled the buxom blonde look into a lithesome figurine that often seemed just a little bit underweight for her frame. No one seemed to mind though, as her uncanny beauty was intoxicating sans the resulting hangover. She matched elegantly with leading men Humphrey Bogart in Sabrina 1954, Funny Face 1957 with Fred Astaire, Love in the Afternoon 1957 Gary Cooper, 1959’s A Nun’s Story followed by her delightfully free spirited Holly Golightly with George Peppard in 1961’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s where her 4th Oscar nomination touched her.  She was not without controversy however when she was awarded the role of Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady in 1964 naturally destined for Julie Andrews who would have reprised the role from Broadway. Audrey was selected instead for the movie version and was splendiferous opposite Rex Harrison although Marni Nixon dubbed her singing. 

In 1967 in a somewhat darker performance her 5th Academy Award nomination followed in Wait Until Dark wherein she played a blind heroine stuck in her apartment terrorized by some nefarious drug smugglers.  Audrey retreated to Switzerland and made 3 more movies most notably Robin and Marian in 1976 paired with Sean Connery. Audrey married twice first to Mel Ferrer she bore him two sons and they divorced in 1968 and then married Andrea Dotti in 1969 an Italian psychiatrist and they had a son they later divorced and then her final relationship with a Dutch actor Robert Wolders in 1980.  

In the final two decades of her life Audrey dedicated her life to UNICEF as an ambassador for the U.N.’s children’s fund where her travels spanned the globe. Audrey maintained her very thin physiology never wanting to appear to well fed to the starving children she met along the way. In 1992 she was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Audrey Hepburn died from cancer in 1993 at age 63. She continues on in our memories as one of Hollywood’s most beautiful and enduring stars.  

I Was Born Under A Wanderin' Star

When I listen to this song I think that if I was to use this metaphor I would probably say that my star races around the universe and that sometimes I just don’t know where it is. And I will confess that the people that love me tap me on the shoulder and tell me just where it is. Abstract as that may sound I live in an abstract world and fashion my puzzle piece into the world at large and hope that I fit in and when I don’t I go inside and take a look at how I can make my life better and at this stage turn stagnation into generativity.  

Not easy when you turn Social Security because for me the alphabet atop the blackboard in 1st Grade in Saint Sebastian’s seemed but a fortnight ago. My epoch of time as it enters the 4th quarter before God calls me home can only be described as OT for a man blessed as I am. The mistakes I have made are but the manifestations of the best life I can lead one day at a time right now. If it were not for those days I wouldn’t be living the happiest time of my life and that’s all I can do. I pray that God has a plan worthy for me to carry out either as an example or to give back before I breathe my last breath.  

   

Judgment Free

“Stop judging, that you may not be judged. For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure which you measure will be measured out to you.”

It seems deplorable to me that it has become a ‘social sport’ to exploit what we see as weaknesses in others in order for us to make ourselves feel better at another’s expense. It has become rampant! Sometimes it is because others don’t share our political or social views or we hold them up for ridicule for how they look. We look at people’s outsides when we should be taking a good look at our own insides. Trouble is we are probably too afraid to look at the face in the mirror. Instead of becoming a healing instrument we choose the low road of ridicule and chastisement where we might make better use of our time reflecting on our own lives.  

It would seem that if we tended to our own side of the street we might be better prepared for the world at large and be better equipped to offer healing solutions rather than taking the easier softer way spewing our own one sided “our way or the highway” because we have deemed we have earned it. We have earned nothing until we have walked in another person’s shoes. Until we do that it’s best we hold off on our next tweet, instant message or post on Facebook.  

Olivia de Haviland Turns 100

 Olivia de Haviland

This screen legend turns 100 this July 1. Her birth in 1916 actually took place in Tokyo Japan to British parents. Her mother Lilian Augusta Ruse a former actress and her father Augusta de Haviland who was an English professor and patent attorney. Although her parents divorced when Olivia was just 3 years old it was in High School that the “acting bug” infected her when she was cast in the Shakespeare play “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”. Hardly a coincidence she played in the role again on the stage and then later reprised it in the Warner Brothers screen version.  

Signed to a 7 year contract, as was the norm back then Olivia made 3 films in 1935,  “The Irish in Us”, “Alibi Ike” and the first with the co-star that she would be most closely associated with Errol Flynn, in “Captain Blood”. She would make a total of 8 films with her heartthrob. Although later in life Olivia claimed they never consummated their love affair their ardor was nonetheless very real. 

It was 1939 however, that David O. Selznick would tap her to play the very likable role of Melanie Hamilton in the 1939 blockbuster “Gone With the Wind” in which she would receive her first Academy Award nomination for best supporting actress which would later go to her other co-star Hattie McDaniel. In 1941 she was nominated again only this time to lose to her sister Joan Fontaine for best actress in the role opposite Cary Grant in “Suspicion”.  

As her successes continue to mount Olivia balked at the roles she was receiving from the studio and a court battle ensued. For 6 years as the suit continued Olivia was kept off the silver screen but in the end the court ruled in her favor and no longer could actors be held to contracts longer than 7 years. Performers could no longer be ‘property’ as studios contended they were. The decision became known as the “de Haviland decision”. 

Eventually she won her best actor Oscar in 1946 in  “To Each His Own”. Olivia now lives quietly in Paris France. She is also the subject of TCM’s star of the month in view of her Centennial birthday this month alongside a written tribute from her friend and the venerable TCM host and film historian Robert Osborne. This month the classic movie channel in honor of her birthday will feature 39 of her films some of them memorable and some not so memorable. All nonetheless worthy viewing of one of the last remaining living legends of the silver screen Olivia de Haviland.  There’s still one more turning 100 this year can you guess who it is?   

  

The Best Things In Life Are Free

How is it that surrounded by the force fed air of the material world do we forget that the best things in life are indeed free.  It’s not in the trappings of bulging bank accounts does happiness exist. For money can bring us the rentals of luxury but when God calls us home none of those trinkets accompany us into the ground or the urn from the crematorium.  

The best things in life are free.  The human touch, a kiss, a held hand, a glance from a loved one and a knowing smile.  These gifts we share everyday and no price tag can be pulled from them. When we cry for help and it’s answered I know that the best things in life are free.  

Angel on the Highway

I think that there are more believers than ever before in those heavenly beings some of us choose to call angels. They are everywhere for me. Whether I am backing out of a parking space and an unknown force keeps me in place as a speeding car racing in the parking lot whizzes by saving me from a certain collision or in my lane when I was thinking of changing and that blind spot on my right keeps that invisible vehicle from my line of sight. It never seems to fail. Even when I am a miscreant and am texting and driving those deities right me with those awakening grooves in the concrete that alert me to my swerve.  

Yesterday afternoon in the midst of that treacherous snow storm and I say treacherous because it was only a few hours old and the plows hadn’t been out just yet to scrape down to the pavement and so the inch or so skating rink made drivers overly cautious or as is their wont others with 4 wheel drive brazen with insanity thinking they are invincible to the elements. 

I found myself coming home from a business appointment and deciding what church I would attend to make the 5 pm mass. I settled on St. Patrick’s in Huntington as my logical sanctuary. As I was following a Mercedes up 108 towards 25A who I was becoming impatient with as they seemed to be traveling way too slowly for my impatient taste they finally veered off to the left (as I should have) and I quickly decided that I would head up Lawrence Hill Road as my short cut. Well since my ride is a Mini Cooper this little engine thought it could but simply couldn’t. I went about 30 yards up that steep grade and came to a halt. 

If you’re familiar with that road there’s traffic from three directions. Oncoming, from behind and perpendicular from 108. Since my only alternative seemed to be backing down the hill I needed a lot of luck or just good timing not to collide with traffic behind. As I got out of my car I saw another driver seeing my plight and he was in the midst of changing his mind as to avert the hill I was challenging. I approached him and said that maybe we could help each other. I would watch traffic for him and he could for me. He seemed to agree but after I did he zoomed off. 

I had no time to whimper or stamp my feet as just then a young woman stopped in the triangle below me out of harms way opened her window and asked: Can I help? I said YES! Could you watch as I back down the hill? She being the bright woman said: Why don’t you just do a 3-point turn? I’ll protect you. I don’t know if I can I retorted. She said simply: Just try it. I got in and as the car started to roll backward it went into a natural 3 point turn and as if by magic I was facing downhill and on my way but not before I rolled down my window and blew a kiss to my mystery angel. 

I thought to myself that no matter what has changed between men and women one thing has not. Women are still nurturers and God thank you for that. I love angels. That woman wherever you are I prayed for you today. 

When I'm 64

Will you still need me will you still feed me when I’m 64.  When I think that this tune first aired 47 years ago age 64 seemed light years away. It has however been but a blink.

I tell young people that I meet keep your head where your feet are else you will miss the present moment and since they can never be recaptured except as a memory live each breath as if it was your last. 

Tacking to Starboard

There are times we need a change of tack. Instead of pushing against the wind why not use its force to come about and bring a new energy to a tired way of doing things. There are times I get trapped in people pleasing just to avoid a confrontation when all I am doing is not having the courage to establish boundaries. 

The Green Chair

I was in EQ this morning and saw my friend Mary with her back against the mirror suspended in a seated position without a chair and my thoughts flashed back to 1969 and remembered the hazing I went through at SUNY Maritime. The Green Chair was a small form of torture our IDO’s (Indoctrination Officer’s) doled out when we had the misfortune of breaking some arcane infraction during our first two weeks at this military college nestled underneath the Throgs Neck Bridge. Now here was Mary engaging in it willingly as a way to strengthen her core. It’s amazing what 45 years can do by taking an old punishment hazing if you will and make it a modern method on the ever-changing pathways to 21st Century fitness. By the way Mary had 4 different variations on that same drill we loathed. 

Polyamory

Merriam Webster says: the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time.

Yes I know for most of us this idea is any number of adjectives including but not limited to: Impossible, preposterous, immoral and just not right. 

What is true for you might not be true for everybody.  But let’s put arguments aside for a moment and focus on what polyamory can mean to monogamists. Polyamory is not cheating, having and affair or about lying. It is about full disclosure. In fact polyamorists reject most strongly against cheaters. For them there is just no room for these people in their community. 

 No one that is involved in a polyamorous relationship ever has to worry where their romantic partner is or whom they are with. Think of that for a second?  No longer can one lover claim that their partner betrayed them or cheated on them or broke their trust.  And the partner that is engaging sexually with another man or woman no longer has to lie about who they’re making love to. 

Let’s ask ourselves as monogamists this question? Have we only had one sexual partner in our lives? For a small majority the answer is yes but for the vast majority of us we most assuredly have had multiple partners and maybe more than one spouse. What does that make us? Serial monogamists? Here’s another question? Can we probably say that even some of the best marriages over time on balance had an indiscretion or two or three? Does that mean you don’t love your significant other? I can’t answer that for you. And is there any one of us that have had affairs and our partners never found out? Are we still feeling guilty? Polyamorists don’t have guilty consciences.  

So what’s the point? Could it be that some of us are not built for monogamy? We try with all our will to conform to the laws of society but we just can’t. Maybe the answer is celibacy or polyamory. Just a thought.  

Deeply Personal

As I think of my life from a cognitive perspective I know now that I was blessed with an above average intelligence that has shaped how I feel about myself today. I am bright but I realize that there is a limit to intelligence and what it can mean for my social relationships.  I can be as smart as a whip but if I do not use common sense I am doomed to repeat the errors of my youth.  

Emotionally I am able to express myself in a meaningful way through my words of speech and the gift of writing.  I also feel I am on a spiritual path as I try to treat others as I would want them to treat me. I could also say that age has had its benefits as well.  

When I took the Big Five Personality Test I found some veracity in the results.  It concluded that I am open minded, somewhat disorganized, extremely extraverted, somewhat agreeable and relatively relaxed. However I can also say that all of these results can be thrown out the window if you catch me on a bad day. 

Petition

It’s not easy to find the inspiration to write neither everyday nor even every week. I need to allot time each day to put to words my feelings, thoughts and when the spirit moves me the rhythm of life within me. When I wrote KSC this Saturday I liked that I was able to affect a departure from my usual fare in that forum. I even received two comments on that post which I never seem to get on that blog.  I will keep that blog open but for the most part I think that weekly entries or even biweekly stories have about run their course. Else I would still be writing them.  Once in awhile I might splash a story like if K2 comes back into the fold at EQ. I miss her musical acumen and her ability to control the room without being assuming or condescending. The roster is severely lacking without her.  

My life after AA will always be my centerpiece because I have lived that life before and after drink and it just seems more important to me. I also have found that is my most read blog and it is therein that I like to think I am contributing albeit in a small way of my own experience strength and hope. Thanks for reading and I will be back by and by. Oh that K2 story of her return? Let’s petition the powers that be and make that happen. That is if she wants to come back.  

Angels on Earth

Angels work overtime in my life and every time I spot a guiding hand I look up and express my gratitude.   I have several things going for me and my spiritual growth has been a great reinforcer to the fact that I am resilient, persistent and indefatigable. I don’t know what the phrase Give Up means actually. The easier softer way is to opt out at the first sign of any resistance. As a former athlete and marathoner the desire to keep on keeping on has with the Grace of God stayed on my hard drive for as long as I can remember. 

However I know that I am only responsible for the footwork not the results. I also know that those that love me have a hand in my well-being. I will never forget that or them.  

Paul Heidt: My Brother in Law

As John McQueen in my true identity I wanted to post of the passing of my beloved BIL Paul Heidt. He lived a courageous life and finally succumbed this morning to cancer. Paul had an indomitable spirit and was truly an amazing man. A great husband, father and I was blessed to call him my friend. He never wavered in his support for me no matter what I went through these past 34 years. He did it with a humor that always helped me take life so less seriously. Paul wore life like a loose garment and no matter what the situation a hurricane; co-caring with my sister Nancy of his mom and later my father or the death of a loved one Paul kept us smiling through all our tears.  

He made me laugh every time I was in his company and I loved when he kidded me it showed how much he cared.  He leaves behind of course my sister Nancy, her son Paul Daniel, his son Christopher a grandchild Jennifer and his brother Dan.  I will miss his quick wit and most of all his fearlessness in living life and accepting what would be his last breath.  

Paul was just on loan to us God needs him now.  

I’m Not Just Pitching Pennies at the Moon.

The good times are coming again. They just took a vacation a forced one because we sent them away. Now that we can see our own love light again they’re back and will stick around for an extended stay because we know how to make them comfortable so that they will never have to go away until God calls us home.  

Say Goodbye

Release from the energy vampires is in our control. We can live up to our responsibilities but we don’t have to hold onto the guilt some would remind us of on a regular basis. Animals only pay for their mistakes once it stands to reason that we can claim the same right.  

Wanna Fight?

My favorite spin instructor said that she loves a good fight. How do I feel about that? I would rather walk away from a fight than have one unless by not doing so would hurt more than my ego. There are times that we need to have a fight just because we need to establish boundaries. More often though it’s confrontation that we are faced with rather than a fight.  Most people shy from them when to do so might bring about a positive change for both contestants. 

Confrontations don’t always have to be acrimonious. In fact they are best handled the day after we feel compelled to have one. One day does wonders. It takes away the hyperbole that we are right and that they are wrong. Truth is that if we are in a disagreement with anyone can we really say that we are 100% right? Is the person we are having a problem with thinking the same thing? So if that is true isn’t it possible that we are complicit in the problem? If you stop and think about why they think they’re right we can get a better handle on what really is the basis of the discord?  

Wanna fight? Let’s think first and then speak our minds later.  

My Easter Sunday

Spending it alone was a good thing because it reminded me of the other 62 Easter’s I had with loved ones. Never take family or friends for granted and you will always have reverence for the precious time you do spend with them. 

Platonic Love With The Female Gender

Who’d a thunk that a man like me could have more female “friends” now than I have ever had in my entire lifetime? One could argue that as a sexagenarian I might have no choice in the matter but I know that’s truly not the case. That’s just my own self-confidence talking but it has nothing to do why my relationship with women has changed so dramatically. I never try to commiserate with any woman as to my relationship status because I am truly emotionally unavailable. I can still flirt but it stops right there. Platonic love with women affords me so many pleasures outside the “peak sensation” that I would never make a trade off. Firstly I get to talk to virtually any one of them. Those that I might have felt were inaccessible greet me with an open door policy.  They feel comfortable in my company and I in theirs.  Whether they are single, in a committed relationship or married it matters not. I let them know quickly so there is no mistake I have no agenda and I am not trying to make my “move”. Instantly they feel less threatened an open up to me without fear that I will use anything we say to each other against them. 

It’s kind of cool that no one thinks I’m a dirty old man because I’m not. When women are under 50 I either classify them as younger siblings or me being their fathers younger brother. Women more tender in age in there 20s and 30s are all my surrogate daughters so to speak. I usually address these women as “young one” so even they have no question in their mind. Hell that’s the google generation they think The Breakfast Club is an old movie and for the most part when I speak with them I see my words going right over their head. Not because they’re not intelligent but simply because if something happened before they were born it didn’t happen. Not an indictment just an observation. But I love talking to young women because this old dog still can learn a trick or two from eyes as fresh as theirs. 

Women in their 40s and 50s present an even better learning experience because they teach me how they want their men to be and let’s face it I want to stay hip despite my advancing years and in this age group I have found some of the deeper relationships I have cultivated. I love their maturity and we get to counsel each other free of charge as to why men do what they do and why women do what they do. It’s a live version of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Platonic relationships with women are a Godsend in my opinion. And guess what? Because I have forged these new alliances I have befriended their significant others and made friendships with the boys in the locker room as well. Platonic love with women it’s just the best.  

People like Kristen Finello, Stacy Tucker, Ferne Segal, Nancy Kaplan, Heather Blank, Michelle Koss but to name a few. Thanks to these women of spin who brought me their friendship. 

Prescription

Although we have a tendency to go off our meds at times it’s never wise to increase our dosage without having to suffer the consequences.