This past week I watched with more patience and tolerance (mainly because of prayer) the further disintegration of the man I once called my Dad. This being occupies his body but his speech and memory have been redacted and even he cannot put the words together to utter anything but when is breakfast, lunch and dinner.
One source of anguish is that there are intervals when he is cognizant that his short-term memory is gone and that the content of each conversation we speak becomes lost like the steam one breathes on a cold day. Increasingly now a memory from the past will arrive on the doorstep of his consciousness and he becomes obsessed with the idea that visitors are about to arrive and as he checks his watch he will even pinpoint their arrival time.
The filter of social etiquette is gone and as he becomes more and more combative the challenge of not engaging him is a double-edged sword: anger for him and frustration for my sister and her husband of endless patience. How my dear sister and brother in law have managed his care these past 7 months is beyond comprehension. The week away for them was long overdue. When I arrived to take on the second day of relief my youngest sibling as she exited the driveway was exclaiming: I’m free! For most of my stay he was manageable so long as I kept him busy with as many morsels of food he could consume and I made sure that if there was a baseball game on he was watching it.
The most painful task is at hand which is a home for those afflicted with dementia. We visited one and as if my mother was by my side during our tour a beautiful patient stepped in our path and told our guide that she was afraid. I looked on in amazement as her hand was gently clasped in reassurance and within a moment a gentle staff member took her from our midst in a way that gave me a live illustration as to how my father would be cared for.
I have been praying to my departed mother for guidance and I am not ashamed to say that I wish God would call him home but its clear he’s still here for a reason and I am sure it will be revealed to us God willing.
